A few self indulgent things… and an explanation about facebook.
First off, I have facebook. Luke does not. Smart man. I love it in that I have re-connected with some old friends, met some new people, and keep in touch with a lot of friends through it. I hate it in that it seems to have replaced phone calls, email, blogs, and common sense. It also is like scrapbooking and drunk dialing combined. People either have “perfect” lives, or they use it as therapy to spew out stupid details of their life. I am abstaining from facebook because either extreme is driving me nuts right now and is not helpful. I still check in occasionally, but it just got to the point where it wasn’t healthy for me in a lot of ways. So I’m trying to blog more. Not that it isn’t any more private!
Here is some self indulgent thoughts (after I came off a facebook theraphy rant, I know!) advice and other things about loss. I say self indulgent because it is at times consuming to walk through this, and some days are more of a battle than others. It is something I am learning to lay at the foot of the cross, but keep picking up even though I know better.
“It’s like a phantom limb, a love for those who do not exist”. I came across this quote and it made so much sense! We mourn the unknown, and it’s always there, but not at the same time.
Just because you have one child, it does not lessen the loss of another. It seems to intensify it- we know what we are missing in a different way.
If you ever have to help a friend through this, just hug them and listen. It’s an invisible loss, yet ever present. Words are helpful, but it’s hard to know what to say. Just hold us and let us be weak at times.
We truly rejoice in each friend’s pregnancy and new joy! It might be hard on the inside sometimes, but we are truly thankful and grateful for the blessings others have. I have been on both sides of the fence, and know how awkward it can be to both parties, but am thankful for the friends who have allowed us to share in their journeys whether to comfort them, to rejoice with them, or to have them comfort us or rejoice with us.
Movies that I think really sensitively deal with pregnancy, loss, infertility, which can be glossed over really easily cinematically. Each of these movies deals with the topic with a raw sensitivity and understanding which I respect immensely: Away We Go, Up, and Juno. The couple in Away We Go (I think the couple they meet up with in Portland) shows the sheer rawness of loss in such a true way. Up, it’s a kid’s movie, but honestly, the scene of his wife sitting there in the wind breaks my heart every time. It speaks volumes. Juno, the sensitivity they show in Jennifer Garner’s character when dealing with unintentionally hurtful off handed comments and her tentative hope is really beautiful.
That’s all for now.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on loss. The quote is powerful and true, perhaps it will help others try to comprehend such a loss.
I agree with your thoughts and appreciate you putting them out there for others to read. I think it can be very helpful to many (i.e. what to do when a friend has a lose and the fact that we do rejoice in friend’s pregnancy). You are awesome Hannah!